Manchester Reunion

Has anyone here got a beanie hat they can lend me
Im going to a big Manchester Reunion on Friday
We're heading back up north, all the old lads
And Ill need a beanie hat
Its just something we always used to wear, a beanie.
Out on the town

I need a harrington jacket too.
You know, with the checks on the inside,
fred perry or something like that.
We all used to wear a harrington jacket
and a beanie hat
It wont be a reunion without the two of them

Has anyone got a set of roller blades,
for my manchester reunion.
I cant go up without them.
Ill be laughed off the trian
We used to blade up and down halls
do you know what I mean?
Fucking classic

tortoise? Couple of lemons?
Disabled kid? Wigs?

I need them all for my manchester reunion
oh fucking happy days

Self Portrait on The Train

Writing my lines on my screen
Im better than others here
They can t see
part from the bloke next to me
what a clever boy I can be
Writing my lines on my screen

Digs this old chair. Digs in your back
Gives you the hump.
Gives you the hump.

Riding my horse
its such a laugh
My mother's dead
Still least ive got my horse.

This train its going to crash
And we are all going to die
I wonder if the geezer next to me
is worried

Train Lady #2

Turning my pages
Reading my sheets
Thats what Im up to

All of these articles
Loads arent there
Turn another one over
At bloody last!
A puzzle.

Got to text my husband
Im going to be late
Got to let him know
He'll have to wait

I dont want to read glamour
I dont want any mag
Just want to text my husband
The time drags

Oh Best Check My Email

Oh best check my email
Oh best check my email
Oh best check my email
Oh best check my email

Oh best have a Gu pud
Oh best have a Gu pud
Oh best have a Gu pud
Oh best have a Gu pud

Oh best check my email
Oh best check my email
Oh best check my email
Oh best check my email

Oh best have my coke
Oh best have my coke
Oh best have my coke
Oh best have my coke

Oh best check my email
Oh best check my email
Oh best check my email
Oh best check my email

Oh best hear my tune
Oh best hear my tune
Oh best hear my tune
Oh best hear my tune

Oh best check my email
Oh best have a Gu pud
Oh best have my coke
and best hear my tune

Oh best make the best
of my time on this train.

Fit old lady

On the train
opposite me there's an old lady
shes fit
but now she's opened up
her 'bacon lettuce and tomato sandwich'
and fiddled with the insides
it's all over the table
and that has put me off

What Happens in Vegas #2

In the amusement arcade
on Great Yarmouth Parade
'Vegas'
I kill people with a giant chupa chup
I won on the grabber

What Happens in Vegas #1

What happens in vegas
Stays in vegas
when im fucking johnny vegas
its thoughts like this that give me comfort

TNT Lorry Park just north of Milton Keynes

In the corner of a car park
there are lorries
and there is space
late at night
for us

breathing in the dark
the space is not meant
for us
but for the lorries instead

what you will find with me is a love a salad. i love a toasted seed. i love a cashew. i love a grated carrot and I love a touch of balsamic - know what i mean?

what you will find with me is that I like to do my washing - and what you'll find is that I'll only wear a t-shirt once, unless its only been worn for half a day beforehand. for example if ive worn the shirt the evening before, but only for a few hours - i might fold that shirt up neatly and leave it to one side - and the following morning ill slouch around in that shirt. its not to say its right or wrong - its just the way i live.

what you will find with me is that im undecided about who to vote for at the coming general election. you'll find that despite wearing a sticker on my umbro jumper which says 'i'm voting labout' I am in fact undecided about who to vote for at the coming general election. What you'll find is I'm torn - though you can be certain that no matter where that cross is etched on Monday 6th - it shant be in the box of Tory candidate for Hackney Darren Caplan.

what you will find with me is I love an apple mac. What youll note most likely is that I do infact own an apple mac, and I want an ipad. Just two more things that youll find with me.

What you will find with me is that I am a sandal wearer. There's no two ways about it - I love a sandal, and I cant pretend otherwise. I love a sandal, for I love the freedom it affords me to slip from shoe-clad to barefoot in a heartbeat. I love a sandal, for it removes the need to ensure of a clean sock - nay, it makes the sock superfluous. It renders him redundant.

I love a clean sock.

Jai ho.

the chocolate treat

the chocolate treat sits on the table
its there from earlier on
when we had ice cream

the washing up has been done
the crockery put away
but the chocolate treat remains

whats it doing there,
for fucks sake?

I tell you what its doing there
Its reminding me
of that moment two hours ago

when we had ice cream.

you walked past me
not me past you
you skipped up the hill
i never asked you to

i was happy with my daim ice cream
fucking happy
i watched the ships come in to dock
all i could think was how
am i going to speak to her now

its your hair i think
but having said that
maybe its your face
its your eyes i think
but having said that
maybe its your voice

shit

now i look at pictures of you on facebook
you have been busy
not me.

opening lines

theres an economic slump,
and i have got the 'ump.